love & lifestyle

How’s Your Heart?

“Besides this, knowing the time, it is already the hour for you to wake up from sleep, for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is nearly over, and the daylight is near, so let us discard the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.”

Romans 13:11-12

As I read this passage in the quiet, early hours of a really bad Tuesday morning, peace and promise began to wash over and flood every corner of my sleepy little space. I could feel the urgency in the Lord’s presence. I’m right here. Just hold on a little bit longer. I promise it’s almost over. I am so sorry these things are hurting you. You are so close.

How’s your heart?

This seems to be the question of the hour. So far my answer has been a resounding, “you know, there isn’t a word for being absolutely devastated and absolutely excited at the same time.” Because, I mean—there’s not. There are no rules for having a heart that has been absolutely obliterated by the goings-on of life, and yet despite the cracks is constantly being filled to the brim with hope and joy.

Being a word girl, I’ve struggled so much with not having “good words” or a name for my current condition. Totally broken yet totally sustained. What the heck do you do with that? Heartbreak. Rejection. Exhaustion so deep that your bones ache. As my sweet friend put it best, “in simplest terms I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

Much given and equally as much taken. An all-out brawl with myself to keep my emotions at bay and my body out of bed. Prayers that were once hallelujahs now empty shells of small insignificant words strung together in my best attempt to make my soul believe a promise that I knew so long ago; clinging with white knuckles, fighting for the breath to push them between my quivering tearstained lips:

He is good. He is for me.

He is good. He is for me.

And yet somehow—almost as if my heart knows something my weary mind is wrestling to wrap itself around—there is this stillness welling up inside of me knocking and waiting patiently to make itself known.

“I will go before you and level the uneven places; I will shatter the bronze doors and cut the iron bars in two. I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches from the secret places, so that you may know that I, Yahweh, the God of Israel calls you by your name.”

Isaiah 45:2-4

Just before I am pushed over the edge, I am pulled back and I am reminded that He goes before and behind. He has been here. I am hemmed in. Just as He knows the secret places of my heart, He has known this darkness and promised treasure to be found here. The love of a God so true and so trustworthy who has never once let me hurt without purpose. He has seen this pain. He felt it on the cross when He carried it there for me.

Maybe you’re walking through the death of a loved one and you are angry with God. Or maybe without warning someone loved you yesterday and they don’t today and you’re left questioning without answers. Or maybe you made a decision that will alter the trajectory of your life forever and you’re wondering if maybe just maybe this world would be better off without you. You got cut from a team or promises fell short and you’re bitter, whatever it may be hear this: His gifts are always more. 

When we are in Christ, even when we don’t understand, rejection almost always equals protection. John 13:7 promises, “you do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will.” Psalm 126:5-6 goes even further to say that, “those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”

This is not where we lay down and die. There is so much life to be lived on the other side of this pain. One day these moments will only be memories and there will be scars in place of the wounds that are hurting you now. Until then, He is good. He is for me. 



  • Pam Thompson

    You nailed it Lauren, where the Spirit is ministering. Awesome to find my heart on this page – you said it all so beautifully. Thank you for sharing yours, God’s and all our hearts in this moment of time…

  • Courtney Denzlinger

    Lauren, I read a lot of blogs & devotionals, but your are my favorite writer. I cannot began to tell you what this did for me. Thank you for sharing what God gives you.

  • M. S. Hays

    *mic drop*
    you nailed it.
    for many weeks-even months this has been me.
    I wont go into detail-because the point is mute.
    God has it, and me, in the palm of His magnificent hand. The devastation has been real, but so has the peace.
    thank you for letting the Lord use this, in your life, to bless others. even if ‘others’ is only me.

  • E Chapman

    In the Bible Study with Priscilla Shirer, “Discerning the voice of God” she ask us to look up the Names of God and pick out our favorite. Its was hard for me to pick just one, as I
    read your blog(which I Love you know) I couldn’t help of thinking of EL Deah God of Knowledge -You think about His omniscience, He knows everything. God is the God of all
    knowledge. God inhabits eternity. God sees the beginning. God sees the middle. God sees the end. God sees it all at one time. God is all-knowing . He can’t learn anything. God knows everything that’s going to happen. God knew that you would receive the Lord Jesus Christ. Nothing takes God by surprise. God never says, “Ooops. I never thought of that..” God is omniscient. Romans 11:34 says, “For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been His counselor?” We don’t have to know all that our Father does, for Him to be our Father. Priscilla shared a statement “”You are someone god so loves-a message we’re likely to hear from God in contemplation…..God is so anxious to tell us this that the only time God is pictured in a hurry in Scripture is when the father ran down the trail to prodigal son, “threw his arm around him and kissed him.” God Knows that’s all we
    have to know…. Love you

  • Mary Beth Barden

    Wow. These words were healing hands reaching into the depths of my weary and broken soul, determined to scrape out the last bit of doubt I had been saving for later. As if somehow it was going to provide any real sustenance. As many times as I can speak the truth that my mind knows, my heart still longs to feel its effects, to feel that it really means something, changes something. I can find comfort and wholeness in Him alone, but it’s a gift to know that another heart feels this pain and is also sustained by the same truth He faithfully whispers in the darkness. He is good. He is for me. He loves me.

    Thanks for spilling your guts. I’m not really sure how or when I subscribed to your blog, but the relatability and timeliness of every single post has been crash-cymbal confirmation that God is more real than my everything.

    Another who is becoming,

    “I Am Not Alone” by Kari Jobe, and “Satisfy” by WorshipMob are wrecking me currently.

Leave a Reply to Pam Thompson Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: